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I used to think that people just have the confidence that they had
Wishing I had someone’s confidence was like wishing I had their natural hair color
I may be able to fake mine but it isn’t real
Thankfully, confidence is not something people are born with
It is a mindset and a skill
That means we can learn it!
Habits that help you become a more confident woman are:
- Work on your posture
- Require daily self-care
- Envision yourself as you want and take steps to be her
- Stop apologizing when it isn’t you’re fault
- Get out of your comfort zone
- Talk yourself up every day
- What can you do today that your ideal self will thank you for?
- Take deep breaths
- Read more
- Take small steps instead of large ones
- Be careful who you spend time with
- Dress nicely
- Practice saying no
None of these alone with change your life 100% but they all will make an amazing impact if you let them
Choose one or two habits to start adding to your life and then add more when those feel easy
I know it can be tempting to jump in head first and try to change everything about your life at once
But that isn’t sustainable
You have a default and that default will always be what you return to after a little time
So you can change all these things about yourself for a few days or weeks, but they won’t be habits that change your life because they have not become your default
Habits become default slowly so take your time
Trust me, the progress will come and you’ll be amazed at how different you are next year
Work on your posture
Posture is a funny thing
You don’t realize how much it changes your confidence until you play with it
It is common now for people to have poor posture and that affects the way you see yourself and how you feel
Poor posture reduces oxygen to your brain and it makes you feel a little beaten down
Several times throughout the day, make habit of fixing your posture
This won’t have to be done when your posture is naturally good
But let’s take it one step at a time
Several times throughout the day (or whenever you need a boost), imagine that there is a string attached to the top of your head
Not imagine someone pulling that string to straighten your back and neck
Now lower your shoulders back and down
Great job!
You have improved your posture
Try to keep that posture as long as you can remember
Remember that slouching is your current default so don’t get upset when you return to it
Require daily self-care
When I think of a confident woman, I think of a woman that values herself
Think of something that you value
Maybe it’s a computer or your kids
Would you neglect anything that you really valued?
Would you treat it terribly?
Probably not!
Self-care should not be optional
Even if you only have two minutes
Create a habit of doing at least a little self-care every day
Learn to value yourself and your body
And it will take time to learn
I started learning to value myself in 2020 and I am still learning 3 years later
But the difference has been life-changing
Envision yourself as you want and take steps to be her
If you are like me, you are not the dream version of yourself
I spent years afraid and I had no confidence
That wasn’t the version of me that I wanted
But I also had no idea what that version of me looked like
Notice I am saying a version of me
Sit down and think about the best version of you
What would her days look like?
What would she do, eat, think, learn, etc
Learn about this version of you like she is your best friend
You should know everything about her
Now choose one area of your life that needs adjusting
Think of small steps that you can take to improve that one area
Start small and simple
Every time you succeed, your confidence will increase, and your chances of future success increases
So set yourself up for success
Every time you successfully make a small step, work on another small step
Stop apologizing when it isn’t you’re fault
When we apologize for things, we are accepting responsibility
This is one that I am working on
I will apologize for everything
Even if I didn’t do anything wrong
This doesn’t help my confidence at all
Yes, if you are responsible the take responsibility
But don’t take the fall every time something happens to avoid making someone else uncomfortable
You don’t have to insist on being right
Just accept the way things are and move on
But don’t apologize and internalize wrongdoing when you did nothing wrong
Get out of your comfort zone
Stepping out of your comfort zone is one of the best ways to build confidence
Learn something do, do something new, change your routine
Whatever it takes
Just get out of your comfort zone
Don’t set yourself up for failure
I did that for a long time
I would do something new and expect to master it in 10 minutes
That is setting up for failure
Expect to suck at new things and celebrate your willingness to try!
Keep trying until you learn it
At least have some success before deciding to keep going or quit
It is easy to quit and hate something when it is hard
So don’t make harsh judgments about the activity or yourself
Just enjoy the process
You only grow when you leave your comfort zone
Talk yourself up every day
Your self-talk is very important!
Your subconscious brain controls things like default confidence
And it doesn’t know what a joke or sarcasm is
So when you talk poorly about yourself, even in a joking way, your subconscious believes you
It is hard to be confident when you believe that you are dumb or ugly
This will take time to fix
Choose to tell yourself good things
Acknowledge the good things that you do and the good in your life
Talk about it
Every time do succeed, tell yourself that you are amazing
Sit up straighter in the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful
Even if you feel like it is a lie
If your brain doesn’t know the difference between truth and a lie, might as well use that to make yourself feel better and increase your confidence
What can you do today that your ideal self will thank you for?
Your future is made from the habits you have right now
What are some habits that your future self will thank you for?
Learn to add those habits into your life
The saying “you are what you do” is not quite true
The truth is that “you are what you repeatedly do”
So what can you start repeatedly doing that the ideal version of you will thank you for later?
Take deep breaths
Stress and breathing is directly connected
The deeper your breaths, the less stress your brain has
The more shallow your breaths, the more stress is created in your brain
Make a habit of taking deep belly breaths more often than you don’t
It took time but I was able to change my default breathing from the shallow lung breathing to the deep belly breathing
It feels so good in ways that you wouldn’t think
Also, practice box breathing every day
If you practice it, using box breathing when you need it is easier
Box breathing goes like this:
- Breathe in for 4 seconds
- Hold for 4 seconds
- Breathe out for 4 seconds
- Hold for 4 seconds
- Repeat
This is excellent for high-stress times
Being able to keep your mind during high stress and depend on yourself is a huge confidence boost
Read more
Reading is excellent
And it doesn’t have to be non-fiction!
Read what you love
Reading is excellent for your brain and helps even out your emotions
Sometimes you need to take a step back and come back fresh
I find that reading is the best way to “take a step back from my life”
That’s because, for a little while, I am in a different world instead of here
Reading is also connected to success and feeling good
Every successful person that I have listened to recommends reading more books
Take small steps instead of large ones
I mentioned this once but it is really important
Take small steps!
Nothing hurts confidence more than being really excited about a goal and then failing
You are way more likely to fail when you take on too much at once
It is better to take on 4 small goals that you can succeed at (one at a time) than one large goal that you fail at on day 3
Working out more is an example
I have been trying to work out more for years
I either don’t do anything or I try working out daily
But I never last more than 2 weeks before going back to not working out
This time, I started by working out for 15 minutes a week on Mondays
I am on week 3 right now and I don’t have the urge to quit
Once that is easy then I will increase it to twice a week
By doing small steps, I will reach my goal “slower” but I am way less likely to quit
Be careful who you spend time with
We are the sum of who we spend time with
Are you spending time with people that hype you up and love you?
Or are they cutting you down to feel good about yourself?
Being around the right people is very important for confidence
You need to have a circle that helps you, but a circle that is just as much of a battle as the rest of the world
Dress nicely
As a mom, this one is hard for me
But sometimes getting dressed can do a lot for your confidence
You feel more ready for the day and it is often one of the easiest successes in the morning
If you start your day by making your bed and getting dressed, you have completed two tasks first thing in the morning and it sets your day off right
You don’t have to get crazy, but set some decent clothes out the night before and get dressed in the morning
You will get a little confidence and an energy boost!
Practice saying no
Saying no is really hard for people pleasers
And I find that most people are people pleasers right now
I think it stems from the way we were raised
But we don’t want to disappoint people or make them upset, so saying no is really hard
I am not perfect at this and actually still have a long way to go
But learning to say no is important for your confidence
Start small with things that aren’t a big deal
Saying no is a skill that you have to learn and practice
So start with little things that don’t matter as much and build up to the harder things that stress you out to say no to
You got this!