This post contains affiliate links. I may make a small commission at no extra charge to you when you buy with my link. I appreciate the support!
Every mom knows the feeling
You are about to have your first baby and everything is so overwhelming
Things are a little less crazy when you have more kids, but that first is intense
My first pregnancy was twins
So I went from not being a mom to being a mom of two in about 5 minutes
The learning curve was crazy, but I did learn a lot
Some of my favorite tips for new moms are:
- Create and stick to a daily routine
- Ditch perfectionism
- Plan out your day realistically
- Don’t overcommit
- Get to know your kid deeply
- Use that knowledge to best parent them
- Let others help you without hovering
- Stay present
- Fed is best
- Create traditions
- Be prepared, but don’t overstress
- Be careful who you vent to
- Be a good role model
- Be very transparent about money and expectations with your partner
- Take time for creative play
- Focus on little changes
- Work on sleep training
- Trust your gut
- Help your kids learn some independence
- Be willing to admit when you’re wrong
- It is ok to need a break or a time out
- Don’t compare yourself or your kid to others
- Get into the stories and have fun!
- Pay attention to your screen time
- Spend time outside
- Get into the crazy and fun moments
- Use math in your daily conversation
- Stay consistent with your rules
- Try to encourage curiosity, even why the endless whys come
- Practice gratitude
- Fail forward
I am not a parenting expert and I am still learning every day
But if what I have learned so far helps you, then I am happy to share!
Create and stick to a daily routine
Our daily routine saved me when I was a new mom
I had others tell me that it isn’t a big deal to break routine sometimes, but it was a big deal to me
My kids knew what to expect throughout the day
This made everything easier
Nap time was smoother, bedtime was easier, and they woke up at the same time every day
Routines not only made things easier for my kids, but they also helped me
I didn’t need to think about what needed to be done
Yes, cleaning time looked different every day, but it was always cleaning time
Test some things out when making a routine
Some people like strict routines while others like 3-hour time blocks
There is no right answer here
Just find what works for your family
Ditch perfectionism
I have been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember
But perfectionism and motherhood do not go together
Motherhood is messy, exhausting, and a game of picking your battles
Embrace the mess and be willing to go along with the chaos
Sometimes all you can do is laugh and move on
Plan out your day realistically
Planning out your day is one step further than making a routine
Every morning I sit down and figure out a few things that need to be done that day
Then I decide when I am going to do those things
I put my plan into Google calendar and have it remind me when those times come
I got a little $30 watch on amazing that gives me phone notifications and that keeps me on track throughout the day
My goal is to do all my thinking at once so I can just get things done throughout the day
Don’t overcommit
I am the master at overcommitting myself
I have struggled with not over or under committing
But I believe that overcommitting is worse as a new mom
I remember the exhaustion clearly
It was everything I could do to keep up with the kids, house, and try to keep my marriage alive
There are so many beautiful moments as a new mom
But it is so hard
It is ok to say no to the things that are immediately important
It is ok to focus on surviving
Get to know your kid deeply
There are a million people out there that will give you parenting advice
They will tell you what the “right” way to do things are
I encourage you to focus on just getting to know your child
They are really small and inexperienced people
Just like all people have different needs and wants, so do kids
Enjoy just getting to know every part of them
You’ll be surprised how much you could learn
Use that knowledge to best parent them
As you are learning more about your kids, use what you have learned to best support them
I have twins but their needs are very different
One of my kids needs a lot of hugs and kisses when he is hurt
And the other doesn’t like to be touched at all but wants me to just sit with him
There is no perfect way to parent, but you can make an amazing system with the knowledge you get from getting to know your kids
This is a never-ending process
I just recently figured out how to help one of my kids with learning new words more effectively
No matter how much you learn, there will always be change and more to learn
But that is one of the best parts of being a mom
You get to see and help guide these amazing little people as they figure themselves out
Let others help you without hovering
This is a struggle for a lot of moms
We get used to doing it all, and we struggle to allow others to help
And if they do help then we are struggling to let them do it their way
This isn’t healthy
Yes, someone may do things differently than you would
And it can be hard to see that happen
But you need to get to the point where you do one of two things
- Communicate a need if its that important
- Let it go
Our towels need to be folded a certain way to fit on the shelf
That is a need that needs to be communicated to someone helping
You do not need to do it all
You shouldn’t do it all
Accept (or even ask!) help and then let go of the control
Stay present
Staying present has been a huge challenge for me but it is very helpful for moms to do
It can be easy to overwhelm ourselves with thoughts of the future or be hard on ourselves with thoughts of the past
But doing that to ourselves isn’t helpful
Yes, it is important to plan for the future
But it isn’t good to worry or obsess over the future
If you are like me, take a few moments throughout the day to ground yourself
Think about the details of what is happening right now
What does your house smell like?
Just think of it. Don’t judge it
What are your kids doing right now?
Like details
Focus 100% on the now
Even on the worst days, you’ll find yourself feeling a little better
Fed is best
You have likely seen a lot of drama on social media about breastfeeding, formula feeding, picky eaters, etc
I am an overproducer of milk and I love to cook healthy meals
I never thought that I would struggle with feeding my kids
They have really bad texture aversions that make finding things that they will eat very hard
The stress I had when I realized that my kids did not eat well was intense
Sometimes things happen that you don’t have control over
There are things that you can do to make it better
I dehydrate fruit and vegetables to get those food groups in for my kids
But at the end of the day, fed is best
It may not be what you envisioned or what you wanted
But if they are fed and doing well, it is a win
Create traditions
I think we all grew up with holidays and traditions
We have different ones depending on family and culture, but I think most people have some
A great part of being a new mom is that you can choose what traditions to keep and if you want to make new ones
We celebrate a lot of the holidays and traditions I grew up with, but we have new ones too
We celebrate the seasons and we have small traditions that align with the moon
Have fun!
Find what is important to you and make a big deal of it
I do a lot of cooking so most of our traditions involve food
You don’t have to do the same
Your traditions could be anything
It could be travel, family nights, movies, etc
The possibilities are endless
We need something to look forward to in order to stay sane
Traditions are excellent for that
Be prepared, but don’t overstress
Being prepared is a requirement of motherhood
Kids are messy
You need the supplies to take care of them
Just don’t let it go too far
I like to pack a diaper bag with a checklist
That bag is always ready for when we leave
Every night, I check the bag and checklist to make sure everything is there
Then I relax and stop worrying
If you end up needing something that is not on the list, you can either add it for next time to make sure you are prepared to buy something at the store when you sometimes need that item
Be careful who you vent to
I learned this one the hard way
I had someone that I really trusted as a new mom but turns out that I shouldn’t have trusted them
Sometimes you need to vent
That doesn’t make you a bad mom
But choosing someone to vent to is hard
Now I just journal
I vent to my journal
It is a safe place and I don’t have to be worried about broken trust
Be a good role model
Be the change you want to see in the world
Your kids are going to watch you
And they are likely to copy you
So be a role model of who you want them to be
Now this isn’t including things like personal preference and sexuality
I am talking about patience, kindness, perseverance, and other similar qualities
Your kids will learn from you, so start teaching yourself the things that you want them to learn too
Be very transparent about money and expectations with your partner
When I first got married, I was terrible at communicating
Like… Terrible
I was always anxious about money and he was a spender
He was always pretty good at talking about expectation, but I was not good at it at all
A partnership takes two
The difference in our marriage and family dynamic has been amazing with increased communication
It is a lot of hard work to find a system that works, but it is so important
Take time for creative play
The creative play looks a little different for different people
I like to play single-player video games or make things
My husband likes all kinds of games
But playing is needed
I saw it as optional for a long time but it isn’t
Creative play keeps you happy and sane
It is important for both parents to have an outlet
I have never felt better than I do now that I make play a priority
It doesn’t have to be a lot
But I really encourage at least a little play every week
Focus on little changes
Motherhood is pretty sudden
Yes, you get some training while pregnant
At least you get used to waking up many times a night
But most parts of motherhood start very suddenly after the baby is born
Don’t try to change everything that isn’t required to change at the same time
Unless needed, don’t try any big diet changes, moves, or new habits
You make the most progress with the small changes
So get used to life as a new mom, then add one little thing at a time until you reach your goals
It is easier to climb a mountain by taking small steps than it is climbing the steep walls
Work on sleep training
There is a lot of controversy about sleep training
But there are many ways of doing it
You can sleep train with co-sleeping, cry it out, or many other ways
But I know that sleep training did wonders for us
Do the research and see what works best for your family
Trust your gut
Every mom (and human) had a gut instinct and it is usually on point
If something feels wrong, listen to it
If something feels right, listen to it
But try not to mistake your gut instinct for anxiety
Help your kids learn some independence
Kids are messy
It can be easy to try to do it all for them
It is cleaner and faster that way
But kids need to practice and learn
Not only does some independence help them, but it helps you too
I like to offer choices
They can choose between shirts or shoes
Or they can choose if they want help with something
Just make sure that both choices are good choices for you
You want them to have freedom but it needs to be a win-win for you
Be willing to admit when you’re wrong
I haven’t had a hard time admitting that I was wrong but I have struggled with being mad at myself that I was wrong
You are allowed to be wrong and you are allowed to learn from your mistakes
Give yourself the grace needed to allow that
Admit when you make mistakes, learn from them, and then move on
It is ok to need a break or a time out
There is a difference between a break and a time out
A break is something you should get regularly
It is preventative and helps you stay sane
A time-out happens when you are already overwhelmed
When you can feel yourself about to explode, so you remove yourself from the situation for a minute to regulate and calm down before returning
Both are ok and both are needed
Don’t compare yourself or your kid to others
Comparison is the thief of joy
I have two special needs kids
But they aren’t diagnosed
It is so hard to not compare
I see other kids the same age telling their mom that they love them and having full conversation
While my kids barely sign the words eat and drink
Comparison is not good for you or your kids
Comparing yourself to other moms isn’t fair either
Moms on social media are only showing the highlights
If you have people on social media that don’t make you feel good about yourself, maybe it is time to unfollow those people
Get into the stories and have fun!
We have all heard that we need to read to our kids
We are told that all the time
I encourage you to take it one step further
Really get into the stories!
Have fun!
Act out the scenes and use fun voices
It will be more enjoyable for both you and your kids
Pay attention to your screen time
We are told to be careful with our kids’ screen times, but our screen time isn’t mentioned as often
It is so easy to get lost on social media
Take a look at your phone and see how much time you are spending on it
You may be surprised
At my worst, I was spending 4 hours a day on my phone
This was not good for me, my to-do list, or my family
I now have screen limits to help me avoid the scroll hole
Spend time outside
Outside time is amazing for you and your kids
I like to spend a little time in the late afternoon to help avoid the afternoon slump
And I like to spend a little time outside in the evening to get energy out of my toddlers before bed
Fresh air is great, sunlight is important, and connecting to nature is so helpful
Get into the crazy and fun moments
Similar to ditching perfectionism, get into the crazy and fun moments
The moments that appear have the ability to turn into stressful moments or silly ones
You choose
It is hard, but learn to laugh when nothing can be done
You can have a conversation later or learn to avoid a situation altogether
Use math in your daily conversation
There are always chances to learn and teach your kids
When you are cooking, have them house the eggs that are going into the bowl
Or talk about how many slices are in the pizza
Make it fun and enjoyable
There are countless chances to work on math and learning if you are willing to watch for them
Stay consistent with your rules
Kids need consistency
They get anxious and act up more when they don’t know where the boundaries are and what the rules are
They will still test them but it will be worse if the rules are always changing
If you say that something is not ok, then stick with your word
Even if enforcing the rule feels like too much work
Try to encourage curiosity, even why the endless whys come
Curiosity is a beautiful thing that we often lose when we are teens and adults
And I get it
Getting asked “why” a million times a day is exhausting
But there are other ways of stopping that without discouraging curiosity
Ask questions
Ask “why do you think that is?”
Have them think
You can also encourage them to ask great questions throughout the day
Teach them to ask questions
It is a powerful skill that will help them their entire life
Practice gratitude
Practicing gratitude is one of my favorite habits
Motherhood is exhausting
It can be easy to get so busy dealing with disaster after disaster
Every evening, take 5 minutes (or less) to think of three things that happened that day that you are thankful for
Get specific
Instead of saying that you are thankful for your kids, say that you are thankful for that silly moment when you were outside
This teaches your brain to look for the good moments
Trust me, it is life-changing
Fail forward
My last tip is to fail forward
There will be mistakes and failures
Instead of being upset at yourself, learn from them
Use your failures to move forward