This post contains affiliate links. I may make a small commission at no extra charge to you when you buy with my link. I appreciate the support!
There are a lot of boundaries that you can choose to implement in your home with your kids
It is important to have boundaries for both you and them
As parents, our goal is to raise good adult humans
Kids get a huge head start in every area of life when they see you implement boundaries and when you teach them to do the same
Including with you
There are 9 boundaries that we implemented in my home:
- If my kids don’t want to get hugs or kisses, I will respect that
- If my kids make a mess, they will participate in cleaning the mess before moving on
- My kids are allowed to like and dislike things, but we need to communicate those effectively
- I will not hit my kids to make a point and will not allow them to hit me
- I speak to my kids respectfully and teach them to respectfully speak to me
- It is not my kids’ job to fulfill my emotional needs
- I understand that my kids are their own person and they understand that I am not perfect
- If we make a mistake, we will admit it and try to make it right
- We treat people the way we want to be treated, but we also treat them according to their actions
We have more but I tried to get specific with boundaries that are good more the majority of families
Take what works and get inspiration to create your own
If my kids don’t want to get hugs or kisses, I will respect that
This is a great way to start teaching consent
Kids should have the choice if they want hugs or kisses
And this can expand to things like tickling too
My kids only get tickled when they ask, and I always stop when they tell me too
The same goes for hugs and kisses
I will ask if I want some but will accept their answer to my question
One of my sons is not a big fan of kisses
So when I ask him, he often offers his hand for me to kiss
I think that is an excellent compromise!
But he still has the power of consent
If he chose to say no to kisses, I will respect that answer
The same goes for me
Sometimes I am touched out and overwhelmed
I teach them that no means no
If I don’t want hugs right now, that means no
It doesn’t mean forcing it
My kids are only three years old right now so they need to be reminded a lot
But they will grow up with a state of mind that knows and understands consent
If my kids make a mess, they will participate in cleaning the mess before moving on
This is a different kind of boundary
Moms are overworked
Messes take longer to clean when my kids help, but it is an important habit
They need to know how to clean up after themselves and understand that it isn’t optional
Yes, they are young so I help them every time
But there will come a day when they don’t need so much help
When that day comes, they won’t have to be retrained to clean up after themselves instead of expecting me to do it
But they also will know that I am happy to help them when they need it
My kids are allowed to like and dislike things, but we need to communicate those effectively
I see it a lot and I experienced it as a child
There are moms that have lost themselves when they became moms and started living through their kids
They expect them to like the same things and do the same things
A great boundary to teach your kids is to communicate when they like or dislike something
And my part is to remember that they are their own person with unique likes and dislikes
I need to help guide them to communicate their thoughts, not tell them what thoughts to think
I will not hit my kids to make a point and will not allow them to hit me
This is the most controversial boundary on this list in my opinion
Because some parents don’t consider spanking to be hitting
But I do consider anything that was intended to cause any pain to be harmful
I had a shocking realization when my son started copying me exactly
When he refused to stop touching something that he wasn’t allowed to touch, I would take his hand and smack it
I wasn’t trying to hurt him, but I was trying to communicate that I was serious
He never responded well to that approach, but he did learn to copy it
When I did something that made him mad, he would take my hand and try to smack it
It dawned on me that I wasn’t teaching him to listen to me, I was teaching him to hit when he was mad or frustrated
Since then, I created a boundary that I don’t do things that I wouldn’t want him to do to me
I still make mistakes, but I always apologize and explain why I am apologizing after
I speak to my kids respectfully and teach them to respectfully speak to me
Just like the last one, kids learn by watching others
I watched everyone and learned what behaviors create what results
I expect my kids to be similar
So a boundary between us is that I will talk to them respectfully and they will do the same
They are kids so they will need to be guided and reminded
But they will grow up with the concept of respect for everyone
They will learn to give others respect, but not allow that respect to be taken advantage of or abused
Because we respect our own energy as well
This is done through talking to them and teaching through example
It is not my kids’ job to fulfill my emotional needs
This is a boundary in both directions
This helps parents avoid the devastating loneliness of only being around their children, and helps their children’s mental health
My mom did the best she could, but I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t her release
She told me everything and I was pretty much her only friend
And it is still affecting me to this day
It is great to have a strong and beautiful relationship with your children, but it is also important to allow them to be children
Children are not a replacement for your partner or a replacement for friends
Making friends as a mom can be hard, but it is simple
You need to put yourself out there a little more
If you see a mom at the playground with kids the same age as yours, introduce yourself!
Offer your phone number and see about playdates
One of my best friends started as a mom friend and it evolved into what it is today
If you have things you need to talk about, think about getting a therapist
Just be careful about who you choose to vent to
Not everyone that smiles to your face is a real friend
I understand that my kids are their own person and they understand that I am not perfect
This is a mutual boundary
I understand that my kids will make mistakes and we don’t punish mistakes
Do I get frustrated too easily sometimes?
Yes
But I take a deep breath and we work together to solve the mistake
We are on the same team
I also actively think about the mistakes and weaknesses that I show
And I make sure that I show some of them
If I get angry about a huge mess that they make, I tell them that I am very angry and that I need to breathe for a moment
Then I show them my deep breathing
Once I have calmed down, then we solve the issue
I am showing my kids that I am human and that I am not perfect
This helps set expectations but also helps them see their own emotions through me
They see me get angry, just like them
And they can see how I solve that anger
Same thing with mistakes
They see me make mistakes, and they see how I react to them
We are all humans that make mistakes, and it is important to have boundaries that give us grace for those mistakes
If we make a mistake, we will admit it and try to make it right
Continuing along with making mistakes, another boundary is related to gaslighting
My father refused to admit when he was wrong
I don’t remember one time when he apologized to me
In my home, we all admit our mistakes and try to make it right
If I make a mistake like yelling or overreacting in a situation, I will calm myself and go talk to my kids
I will tell them what my mistake was and tell them that they didn’t deserve that reaction
Then I apologize to them
They are currently not verbal so my boundary looks a little different
If they are treating me badly or harming me, we sit in a chair until our feelings have calmed
We start with calming because reasoning with a toddler, while their emotions are wild, is impossible
Once we have calmed down, I will find out what their need is
They don’t get violent for no reason
Usually, they need some food or water and don’t remember how to tell me
Once I have met the need, I show them how to ask next time and demonstrate how to avoid that frustrating situation in the future
Because it is just as frustrating to them as it is for me
We treat people the way we want to be treated, but we also treat them according to their actions
This is a boundary that is towards other people but could be toward family
I teach my kids to treat people the way that we want to be treated, but to place those people in their life accordingly
My uncle is a very cruel person at times
And he never admits it when he isn’t having an episode
I never treated him cruelly, but I did cut him out of my life
My kids are being taught to do the same
You don’t need to go down to their level, but boundaries are important
If someone is showing over and over that they don’t care about their feelings and boundaries, then it is time to reevaluate how they are placed in their life
This is a great skill to have when choosing friends
And I actively try to be a parent that will never make them feel like they need to remove me to keep their peace