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No family and no parent are the same, so goals for every family will be different
But there are some broad goals that I believe are important for every mom to go for:
- I will take time to refill my cup so I can better take care of my kids
- I will teach my kids how to be kind adults through my example
- I will give myself the same grace that I give others
- I learn a little more every day
- If my kids are healthy and doing well, I will be proud of myself even if I don’t feel like enough
- A happy mom is more important than a perfect mom
- I am a wonderful person outside of being a mom and I won’t forget about her
- I focus on what is important for my family and I let go of the rest
- I communicate effectively with my kids, partner, family, and friends
Some, if not all, of these may seem like a no brainer
But they are all things that I have struggled with and that I have seen many other moms struggle with regularly
We were raised by a very different generation of people
And we know that many of the things we experienced as children were not the best according to current science
Most of our parents did the best they could with the information that they had, but we are given the chance to do better
Most of these goals align with the idea that we can do better
And hopefully, equip our kids to do even better than we are
I will take time to refill my cup so I can better take care of my kids
This is a normal problem among moms
There will always be something to do
You can sweep and do the dishes ten times a day and there will still be dirt of the floor and dishes in the sink
I am not saying that we should stop doing the chores that are essential for our homes, but it won’t hurt our home to take ten minutes for ourselves
Think about your energy and visualize a water bottle
The amount of water in the bottle is your energy
You pour a little into dishes, and then a little into the laundry
A lot of water goes into your kids and probably a partner
What happens when you keep pouring water out of your bottle without refilling it?
Your bottle becomes empty
In energy terms, you burnout
If you don’t know much about burnout, check out my article of the burnout stages
When you reach burnout or chronic burnout, effectively doing anything for your family feels impossible
Even simple tasks feel like a mountain
It is important as moms to take time to refill their bottle (or cup)
Even ten minutes a day can do wonders for your mental health
Make it a priority!
I will teach my kids how to be kind adults through my example
Kids learn through example
Just look at kids for a while and you will see that
You can tell them to do something all you want, but they will copy what you do instead of what you say
One of the biggest goals I have is to be the person I would be proud to see my kids turn into
This includes:
- My skills
- My career
- How I treat others
- How I treat myself
- What I say and do in private
- And more
They watch everything
Even if you don’t think that they are watching
My kids got more interested in cooking when they saw me cook more
And have fun with my cooking
Find a way to make things enjoyable, even if it takes longer
And they will follow in your footsteps
I will give myself the same grace that I give others
I am the kind of person that treats everyone with kindness and grace
I forgive quickly and love deeply
Unless it is me
I get angry with myself over the smallest things, talk terribly about my body, and literally expect the impossible from myself
I don’t do that with anyone else
And I am not alone
I see it everywhere among moms
It is a beautiful goal to have because it is so needed
Imagine a world where we didn’t grow up seeing our moms treat themselves terribly
Remember that kids learn from watching us?
They learn that too
What if we showed them how to unconditionally love themselves and treat themselves like a best friend?
Learn to take rejection from others gracefully instead of it becoming a huge thing
How different would our world be?
I want to be the change that I want to see in the world
And this is a great place to start
I learn a little more every day
Unless I was left out of the loop, we don’t get manuals when we become moms
Some moms know more in some areas, but no mom is fully equipped for the job
We learn as we go
We have to because every child is different and there is no real way to fully prepare
I love this goal because it forces me to search for something to learn every day
Maybe you learn how to better communicate with your child
That can be the smallest step but still so powerful
Maybe you learn that you really love a hobby
I love making things and that love comes in many forms
The possibilities for this goal are endless, but they all expect you to pay attention enough to notice the lesson
If my kids are healthy and doing well, I will be proud of myself even if I don’t feel like enough
Mom guilt is real and it is powerful
It can feel so overwhelming when we can work all day and feel like the to-do list is barely touched
I have twin special needs children and feel this deeply
My goal is to understand that not everything needs to be done now
I spent every day reading a sign that my mom had in our home
She didn’t follow it but it stuck with me after reading it countless times
It said “the cobwebs and dishes will always come back, but these moments with our kids will never return. The chores can wait a little while because I am busy holding my baby.”
Our kids don’t need a perfect home
Should it be clean enough to be healthy? Of course!
But it doesn’t need to be perfect
If your kids are healthy and generally happy, you are doing a good job
Not every part of motherhood is enjoyable, so don’t feel bad when you make everything wait while you enjoy the good moments
Don’t let mom guilt win and enjoy the good times with your kids
And remember that the bad times will pass
A happy mom is more important than a perfect mom
There are a lot of debates online about what the best is for kids
“Breast is best”, “fed is best”, cloth diapers, disposable diapers, etc
There are unending debates about how to be the best mom
But there is one piece of advice that I agree with above all else… A happy mom is more important than a perfect mom
Some moms put themselves through a ton of stress to try to breastfeed
They put themselves down, make themselves sick, and more
Breastmilk is great, but nothing is better than a happy mom
Look back to your childhood
What was more important? A well-balanced home-cooked meal every night, or a happy mom that spent time with you?
I think the happy mom is a safe assumption
Find what is important to you and don’t focus on the things you can’t change
If you aren’t able to breastfeed, there is no shame in formula
If you can breastfeed but don’t want to, there is no shame in formula
Do what you need to do in order to be a happy and emotionally present mom
No child needs a perfect mom
I am a wonderful person outside of being a mom and I won’t forget about her
Almost every mom that I have talked to, including myself, has gotten so deep into motherhood that she forgot who she was
If you got a 5-hour break from your kids, what would you do?
If nothing for yourself comes to mind, you may have lost your identity
For the longest time, I spent all my free time working or cleaning
It took a lot of effort to find a person under motherhood again
Remember that being a mom is great, but it isn’t your entire personality
A great goal for every mom is to remember who they are outside of motherhood
It is okay if that person is different than the person before kids, but there is still a beautiful and amazing person there
Don’t lose her
I focus on what is important for my family and I let go of the rest
Everything is important, but not everything is important for your family
One of the things that are massively important to me is my family’s health
I want us to be eating well
Well, my kids are picky eaters and one of them will only eat cream cheese and crackers
That is pretty much his entire diet
I have started making all our snacks, chips, and crackers from scratch with healthy ingredients
This is very important to me
My son gets foods that are safe for him, and he still eats things that are healthy and not full of dyes and bad chemicals
Just because that is important to me doesn’t mean it needs to be important for you
Nothing is more important than something else
Your goal is to find what is a priority for you and your family and to focus on that
And let go of everything else
I communicate effectively with my kids, partner, family, and friends
Communication has been a struggle for me
I grew up in an abusive situation where I was supposed to be silent
No one cared about how I felt and what was important to me
So learning how to communicate with everyone in my life has been a huge goal of mine
My partner isn’t a mind reader
My kids don’t automatically know and understand every rule and boundary
They need me to communicate those things clearly and effectively
Only the people that are toxic for you will be angry at you for respectfully communicating with them
It is a very important goal and skill for everyone