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Confidence was never something I had a lot of
I struggled all the way through childhood, continued to struggle as a young adult, and it only got worse as a new mom
I needed to know how to build confidence after having a baby
I worked so hard on it, but it came fairly naturally after my twins
My body bounced back great, I was pumping more than enough milk, and still doing amazing in my career.
Then I decided to be a surrogate
It was an amazing experience, but so different
My body did not bounce back the same, my milk production dried before I wanted to it, and I was starting my journey as an online business owner
Everything was difference and my confidence was terrible
That is when I really needed to know how to build confidence after having a baby
Because it didn’t just happen that time
Everything Changes When You Become a Mom
Your mind, body, and everyday life drastically changes after you become a mom
It is no wonder why so many moms struggle with confidence
Confidence comes with practice and education
Most moms don’t have either one when they bring their baby home
The normal mom body is also not widely familiar
So the shock of seeing your new body can be intense
One of the things I believe that needs to change in society is the expectations on new moms
When I first gave birth to my kids, I was shocked when I still looked pregnant
I struggled with my new body, and I struggled to feel like I was doing the best for my kids
I had a lot more education than many moms since I studied child development to be a teacher
So I can’t image how other new moms without that education feel
Relationships change a lot with motherhood too
I lost a lot of friends
And my relationship with my husband struggled that first year with my twins
I look back at my life before kids now and it feels like an entirely different life
For a while, I really struggled with accepting those changes
But with a lot of work, I am more confident than ever
I still have a lot of work to do
I feel confident making decisions as a mom…
Normally
I still struggle with my mom body, but it is getting easier and easier to accept and love it
My biggest advice is to be patient with yourself and know that confidence takes time
But I believe in you!
How New Moms Gain Confidence
If you are looking to gain confidence, I am assuming that yours is low enough to affect your life
If so, you are like I was
I’ve slowly made progress through a lot of work on a daily basis
Gaining confidence takes time and thoughtful effort
There are two kinds of confidence
- External confidence
- Internal confidence
We want the second one!
Let me explain why…
External confidence depends on the people around you and doesn’t last wrong
You can have 10 people say that you are beautiful but you’ll believe the 1 that says you’re ugly
This confidence is super fragile and doesn’t last long without more validation
Internal confidence comes from you
It is strong and stable
And it doesn’t get affected when someone is rude to you
This confidence comes from your own beliefs
Those beliefs determine how you see yourself and your life
People may or may not see the difference in you, but you will feel the power internal confidence gives you
There are many ways that new moms can gain that confidence
But all of them take time, patience, and practice
I am going to give you the actions steps that will help you build confidence after having a baby
How Your Confidence Affects Your Children
I know that most women I talk to would love to have more confidence
It is something we admire when we see others with it
But many women act like it is something you either have or you don’t have
Confidence is something that has to be built
Over and over
Someone can be confident without makeup,
But refuse to wear shorts because they are insecure
Confidence in general is important for everyone,
But extra important as a mom
That is because our confidence affects our children
The part of my body that I am most insecure about is my lower belly
The part that I saw my mom criticize many times on her own body
After that, it is my breasts
My mother wore modest shirts but made a big deal about mine being small
I don’t think she meant to but…
It taught me that I need large breasts to be beautiful
But don’t show them because that is inappropriate
I absorbed many of her insecurities by watching her
I did it with some other people too, but nowhere near as much I did with my mom
Imagine your kids talking to themselves the way that you talk to yourself
Do you like that?
If the answer is no, then it is time to work on your mindset
It is important for both you and your children
How To Build Confidence After Having a Baby
There are many ways to build confidence after having a baby, but here are 15 that I really like
I emotionally bounced back fast after my twins
I felt good about myself and my life
But I needed a lot of extra help when recovering from my surrogacy
I did not see my body the same way
I felt like something was missing for a while
The emotional toll was a lot greater
And all 15 of these helped me gain back confidence
Or even gain more than I had before
1. Affirmations
Confidence is a skill that you gain through practice
But your identity can impact how well you learn that skill
Our minds tell us all kinds of lies if we let it
Affirmations are statements that help us change our identity so something that serves us
They take time to work, but they do work
If you need help getting started with affirmations, then check out this post
It gets you started with affirmations for moms
2. Be mindful of who you spend time with
One of the actions that I took that made the biggest impact was being mindful of my circle
This is in person and online
It was so difficult, but I cut out the people that were not helping me
I had uncles that were terrible for my mental health and confidence
They always had something negative to say
This was one of the hardest things I had to do, but it made HUGE impact on my life
I don’t regret it at all
This also includes who you allow in your life through online interactions too
Follow people that are real
They show they ugly side, not just the highlights of their life
When I got used to seeing other moms proud of their body, becoming proud of mine got easier
Be careful who you spend your time with
You are the sum of your circle
3. Self Care
This is critical!
Self-care needs to be a priority in your life
Even if it is just a few minutes a day
I strive to spend at least 10 minutes a day on self-care
Some days are easier than others
But it is so important to prioritize your needs and wants
4. Ask for Help
This is one that I am still working on
I find it SO hard to ask for help
I feel like a burden
But that is where confidence comes in
We need to practice asking for help because it builds our confidence
You are not supposed to do it all
We are not meant to do everything, all of the time
But I forget that in order to get help, I need to ask for help
5. Make a List of Priorities
If you don’t plan your day, it will go crazy and do whatever it wants to do
Planning, even just a little, is so important
If you write down everything you do and put them in order of priority
(Don’t forget to prioritize your self-care)
Then it becomes easier to cut out the things that doesn’t need to be there
If you run yourself too hard and struggle to keep up, your confidence will suffer
You will see the day as a failure
And that will hurt your self-image
So decided what really needs to happen and what doesn’t is important
That way you can keep tip #10 easier
6. Create goals inside and outside of motherhood
It can be so easier to let motherhood take over your entire life
The problem is that building confidence in motherhood alone is that external validation
And puts so much pressure on our kids
I’m not saying to stop making goals in your mom journey, but make some outside of motherhood too
That way you continue to practice your confidence skills internally
7. Make small steps
This is something that I had to learn over and over again
I tend to make huge steps towards my goals, and then fall off the wagon because it was too much
Taking small steps toward building confidence will last longer
You are less likely to give up when the steps are small and easy
Remember that confidence is a skill
And skills take time to learn
8. Find an exercise that you like
Exercise is a powerful thing for your health
It helps with everything
But instead of going into exercise with the goal of losing weight or gaining muscle
Go into it to find something you love and makes you feel good
For me, that is Yoga
It doesn’t always help with my weight and muscle goals…
But I feel SO good when I am done
I feel peaceful
Find something that does that for you
What is something active that you can do that will make you feel good?
9. Learn a new skill
I love learning
It makes me feel so good to go from knowing nothing about something to successful completing a task
It always gives me a confidence boost!
And reminds me that I can learn anything if I want to
I don’t know if that is something you feel too, but it is a go to confidence boost for me
10. Don’t let yourself break a promise you make yourself
This is a hard one for me
When I tell myself that I am going to do something, I need to do it
Because breaking promises to yourself harms your self confidence a lot
It teaches your mind that your wants don’t matter
Would you not show it to someone else when you promised to be there?
Probably not
I still struggle with this in the morning
I want to get up earlier, but the will to do that when my bed is calling is TOUGH
So I did tip #7
Make small steps
I started with waking up 15 minutes earlier
And when that was a habit
I went 15 minutes earlier again
Make promises that set yourself up for success, and then follow through
11. Do 30-minute power clean-ups
As a mom, I get SUPER self conscious about my home
It feels impossible to keep clean with my twin boys
But I hate seeing it super dirty
By solution to that is scheduling 30-minute clean-ups
And rewarding the ACTION, not just the result
Will my house be dirty again in a half hour?
Probably
But I schedule one power clean in the day, and one right before my husband gets home from work
That way I don’t feel run down from always cleaning
But my home is still getting cleans
And clean when my husband gets home from work
12. Avoid negativity and drama
This goes closely with tip #2
Be careful what you allow in your life
I am pretty good at keeping my life drama free, but I get sucked in to Facebook comment wars
There is so much drama there
But I find that it takes a lot of energy
More specifically,
It takes a lot of emotional energy
I am very empathetic
So I absorb the feeling and rage from those comments
I have to give myself a time limit and watch how invested I get
Negativity and drama hurts your mental health, and that hurts your confidence
13. Take a trip with loved ones
Opposite of drama and negativity, taking a trip with loved ones can do amazing things for your mental health
But go into this knowing that you will get some confidence practice
Get a swimming suit slightly outside of your comfort zone (as long as that is a goal)
And make sure you wear it
If you only wear it in your hotel for the first couple days, that is a win!
Use a trip full of fun and positivity to stretch your confidence so you come home feeling better than ever
14. Try new clothing or hairstyle
This was a big one for me
I can INSTANTLY feel the confidence boost when my hair is red
I love the way it looks on me
So I prioritize dying my hair
I do it at home now with my mother in law
I am also using clothes to stretch my confidence
I am wearing things a little closer to what I like, but scared to wear
Remember to take little steps when you can
But hair and clothes can be changed again
So try that new style for a week and see how it makes you feel!
15. Start and end your day with gratitude
Fear and gratitude cannot live in your mind at the same time
Mindfully practicing gratitude can do WONDERS for your mindset and confidence
Start every day thinking about 3 things that you are grateful for
And end the day thinking about 3 MORE things that you are grateful for
If you want to stretch yourself, think of one thing you like when looking at yourself in the mirror or in a photo
The more you practice gratitude, the more the mind will learn to look for those things
Your confidence will get stronger when you look at yourself and your life and see so much good
Ending Notes on How to Build Confidence After Having a Baby
Learning how to build confidence after having a baby is a process
It takes time and practice
I have been working on it for a little over a year
I see progress, but I still have a ways to go
There are so many more ways to build confidence
The important part is to try new things for a week or two
Then evaluate how they made you feel
Test then evaluate
Now that you know how to build confidence after having a baby…
I challenge you to get started today