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Somewhere along the line, being a mother has become the same as putting yourself last in every way
But if we want to live happier lives and enjoy being a mom…
Learning how to make yourself a priority as a mom is vital
You cannot pour from an empty cup, so its time to make a change
Why should you make yourself a priority as a mom?
If you are a mom like me, you put everyone’s needs in front of your own
Everyone gets a shower first, eats first, have their needs taken care of first
And you are left with the leftovers
This is very common among mothers in today’s world
I am one of them
But I am learning to be better!
Did you know that self-care can actually make you a better mom?
That is because we cannot pour from an empty cup
And if you are wondering why you were able to do more before…
It is because your cup took time to empty, but it was inevitable if you were not taking the time to refill it
One of my favorite things to ask myself in order to evaluate the way I’m treating myself is…
“How would I feel if my child treated themselves the way I treat myself?”
If I would be worried about my child, I need to make changes for myself too
Setting boundaries in your life
One of the major issues that moms face is boundaries
We hate disappointing people and try to say yes to everything
The more we do this, the more maxed out you will feel because you are just doing too much!
Another form of boundary is how you allow people to treat you
Are you the friend that does everything for people and never gets help in return?
Or are you the friend that sits there uncomfortably when people are gossiping?
Boundaries also help keep you out of situations that are not good for you
One of my boundaries is that I don’t talk about the drama between my mother and sister
I love them both but their personalities clash
They always have something to say
And I don’t want to be the middle person anymore
I don’t have to be rude
If one of them gets on a topic that I am not willing to participate in, I kindly tell them that I am not comfortable and we need to change the subject
If it is a group setting, I remove myself from the situation
Boundaries are good for you and the right people in your life will respect them
Don’t push your feelings aside so other people can do what they want freely around you
The hardest boundary for me is the one at home
Building an understanding with my family about what is important to me
My husband cleans the sink after shaving and the toilet after using it
I spent too long cleaning up after my father and it is important to me that my husband cleans up after himself
I have a boundary with my kids too
For 25 minutes a few times a day, I am working
I make a point to spend time with them first
(that is one of my strategies to meet goals as a mom)
And then I have my work focus time
Once that is done, I spend time with them again
What happens when moms never get a break?
One of the things I see a lot among moms is that many never get a break
They spend so much time with their kids and none with themselves
These results can be:
- Burnout
- Loss of identity
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Frustration
- Strained relationships
- Loss of partner intimacy
- And more
I know it is hard to believe….
But mothers are human too
And they need breaks just like everyone else!
15 ways to make yourself a priority as a mom
We understand that learning to make yourself a priority as a mom is important.
But how?
I have 15 tips to help get you started, but I will give you a bonus now
Take it slow
Build habits
And don’t give up
1. Ask for and accept help
Starting off with a difficult one!
You can start making yourself a priority by asking for and accepting help
You can’t do everything and take care of yourself too
And most people in your life aren’t going to force you to accept help
So it is time to practice
I challenge you to ask someone to do a simple task that will help you this week
2. Do things that recharge your soul
Doing self-care and soul care are essential to your wellbeing
They can make amazing differences in your life and are a great way to start making yourself a priority
Make a decision that you will do things that recharge your soul, and then start doing them
3. Set and keep boundaries
I’ve already talked about setting boundaries, so here I will focus on the importance of keeping boundaries
Boundaries mean nothing if you don’t enforce them
You don’t have to be mean, but don’t let them be optional (unless there is an emergency)
4. Don’t get on your phone right away in the morning
There are few things that are as bad for you as getting on your phone first thing in the morning
When you open your phone, you are now thinking about everything and everyone except yourself
Social media begs for attention
Phone calls and text messages might be there
The act of looking at the screen
All of these things set you up to start your day with stress
I encourage you to wait at least an hour after waking up to pick up your phone
This gives you time to prioritize yourself and your family first thing in the morning
5. Put things your love into your monthly budget
If you are like me, I will cut out 100% of the things I want and enjoy before even thinking about anything else
Now I am not saying that you should do the opposite and stop fun money for everyone else first but have a balance.
When I cut out everything for me first thing, I teach myself that I am not important
Even when I am making the monthly budget, I add things for my kids and husband but forget me!
Not everyone can afford to add much fun to their budget, but it is important to try
You are worth it!
6. Take care of your social health
Sometimes it is hard to end friendships and relationships that are not good for you
My best friend growing up was not very healthy
I didn’t communicate well and she was very jealous
It hurt so bad when we had a falling out and stopped talking, but I learned something valuable
Letting go of friends that did not help my social health makes a huge difference in my life
The stress of having to be careful what I do and say was gone
It can be hard to choose your peace over friendships, but it really does make a difference
7. Create mom friends that are healthy
Along with letting go of friendships that are not healthy, you also need to create friendships that are healthy
Choosing the people close to you wisely is a way to make yourself a priority as a mom
This can take some time
I like to make friends with moms that have kids the same age as mine
We can spend time together as moms while the kids play together too
8. Take a long look at where your time is going
It can be easy to let time disappear
We get stuck in the scroll hole on social media or binge-watch a show
Those aren’t bad things, but they contribute to excuses not to prioritize ourselves
Try writing down everything you do for at least a few days, preferably a week
See where your time is going and you’ll likely see places to spend more time on your health
9. Make time for your dreams and goals
One of the major issues that appear for moms is that we push our dreams and goals aside
Our dreams and goal help make us who we are
And keep us feeling like people outside of being a mom
They are so important and learning to reach goals as a mom is very possible!
10. Start reflecting and evaluating each week
We don’t know how we are doing unless we evaluate
Create goals for the week and evaluate how you did
Find 3 things that you did well
2 things that could improve
And make 1 goal for the next week
11. Learn to say ‘no’
Learning to say no is part of boundaries, but it is so important that it gets its own spot
Learn to say no to things that are not good for your health or for your family
We do so much because we think it is expected
But many things are not required
Learn to really evaluate if you need to do something and say no if it isn’t actually needed
12. Start affirmations to change your mindset
Affirmations for moms can be very important
As I am writing this, my son is in a TERRIBLE mood
He has been grumpy and screaming for 3 hours
Without consistent mental care, I get overwhelmed fast
Affirmations help me look at things from a different angle than my emotions want
And then help me to handle the situations as they come
In addition, it is easier to make yourself a priority as a mom when you believe you deserve it
13. Start with 10 minutes of self-care every day
Taking time to do daily self-care is a great way to prioritize yourself as a mom
Most of us can find 10 minutes to practice self-care, and it is possible to break it up if 10 minutes isn’t going to happen
There are so many ideas so I hope you will give it a try!
14. Take time to dress up sometimes
Not everyone gets refueled from this but I know I do
I don’t get to dress up and make myself look nice often
But sometimes I can feel that I need it
I need a boost!
Taking time to do my hair, makeup, and put something nice on is a great way to prioritize myself when I need the extra care
15. Create a self-care routine
Sometimes, self-care can be hard
That is why creating a self-care routine is a great option
By making it a habit and routine, skipping it or forgetting gets less likely that you will forget or skip it in your daily life
Self-care is no longer something you need to remember because it is just part of your day, like brushing your teeth!
What will you try first to make yourself a priority as a mom?