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If you are trying to figure out how to recover from mom burnout…
I feel you!
Because I have been there!
I have woken up tired and wishing the day wasn’t starting already
I have had the guilt from just wanting to get away
Wasn’t being a mother supposed to be fun and beautiful???
I got glimpses of that, but mostly just felt dark, exhausting, and lonely.
Good news!
You can DEFINITELY recover from mom burnout
Bad news??
You will need to make some lifestyle changes
The only way to heal is to stop burning yourself out
And that requires new habits, boundaries, and mindset
If you are unsure that you are burnt out, let’s go over what mom burnout is
It is scary common!!!
What is burnout?
In order to learn how to recover from mom burnout, we need to fully understand what is.
Burnout can happen for many reasons
Like a job, school, and anything that involved extreme and continuous stress and pressure.
But we are going to focus on mom burnout.
Mom burnout feels like:
- Extreme physical exhaustion
- Extreme mental exhaustion
- Disengagement from life
- Losing sense of self
- Not knowing who they are anymore
- No life outside of kids
- Always tired regardless of sleep
- Going through the motions everyday
Mom burnout is often paired with mom guilt
I remember when I was at my worst
I wanted to love being a mother
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED my kids
But I did not love being a mom
I just wanted to hide from the world for a while
Then I felt bad because I knew I deserved better.
And so did my kids
What causes burnout for moms?
Mommy burnout is caused by continuously parenting without breaks
Parenting is HARD!
Kids know how to push every button you never knew you had!
Without breaks and “momma me time”, stress just continues to build
If you do not get that time to take care of yourself…
NOT just basic hygiene, but taking care of your personal needs…
Burnout will come
I know as a mom that it is hard to take time because it feels selfish
I will break that myth in a minute!!!!
Remember that burnout doesn’t happen from one big stress that comes and goes
It is from small stresses that may not even be noticeable!!!
But they add up
And add up
Until they are so heavy on your life that you don’t recognize yourself anymore
Moms have a habit of thinking that time for themselves is selfish.
That time could be used for their family
But the only way to give your kids the best version of you, you have to be the best version of you
Would you get upset at your phone for dying when you did not charge it?
No!
Would you get upset at your child for being cranky when they refused their nap?
Maybe a little, but not because they are cranky
Because they did it to themselves and that affects everyone around them
Taking time to keep you at 100%, or even 90%, is not selfish
You are investing in the happiness of your family
How do I know that I am burnt out?
There are five stages of burnout.
- Honeymoon phase
- Stress onset
- Chronic stress
- Burnout
- Habitual burnout
So let’s take a look and see which phase you are in (if any!)…
- Honeymoon Phase
The honeymoon phase is the same concept anywhere
The stage is full of energy and optimism
The cons are often ignored, and the pros are put on a pedestal
This is the stage that we often compare ourselves to!
Where everything feels perfect even if you are putting 24 hours a day in
We remember this stage and feel like something is wrong with us because we move to stage 2
- Stress Onset
Once we are done with the honeymoon phase, we move into the stress onset
We still feel a lot of the energy and excitement, but it is less
And we are starting to notice the stress being put on our minds and body
We are not overwhelmed or anything, but we definitely notice the negatives of the situation now
- Chronic stress
The longer we keep going, the more into phase 3 we get
Which is chronic stress
The stress is becoming normal now.
This is where a lot of moms live for a while
We get used to doing everything…
And being stressed all the time
Even if we think we get used to it, our body does not
Stress is terrible for our brains
And the more stress that builds, the sooner we go into phase 4
- Burnout
Phase 4 is just as fluid as the first 3 phases
I don’t remember when I realized that I burnt out
I don’t remember there being a moment where I went from chronic stress to burnout
This is a dangerous phase to be in for a mother
We may continue getting everything done, but we are miserable
I don’t know if you have noticed, but you lead the family dynamic
If you feel terrible, so does your family
So when you are burnt out, your relationship with your partner gets strained
And your kids act out more
Those lead to the final phase
- Habitual burnout
Just like when stress went from noticeable to normal,
Burnout does the same
You no longer notice the burnout because it is the new normal
Habitual burnout destroys every glimpse of a mother’s individuality
She is no longer living and enjoying her life,
But is now in survival mode
Everyone suffers in this phase
How to recover from mom burnout
Just like there are many ways to get INTO burnout
There are many ways to get out of it
But it does require time and testing to see what works for you
You can spend as little as 10 minutes a day and make a huge difference in your life
Here are some examples that you can try!
I highly recommend doing each for a week once you do the first two steps as preparation
It took you a long time to get the habits you have now, and it will take time to replace them
Identify what takes energy and what gives you energy
The first thing you need to do is assess your life
What are things that you do that give you energy,
And what do you do to lose energy
Don’t worry!
I am not going to tell you to take out what takes energy
We are moms! That is not possible
For now, just take a look at each activity and decide what category they fit in
- Takes a lot of energy
- Takes some energy
- Gives energy
- Gives a lot of energy
Notice that there is no neutral
Everything is going to give or take energy, even if it is just a little
This is going to be different for everyone
Folding laundry takes a little of my energy
But it gives energy to a friend of mine!
Write down what you do every day for a week
And then put everything into a category
There is no shame in saying making dinner takes energy!
You won’t be sharing this
So be 100% honest
Check your life balance using that information
Once you have your categories
Then you look at what you do every day
If you are reading this, I assume that you have WAY more activities that take energy than you have ones that give you energy
This is why you are feeling burnt out
It is time to slowly make life changes so that your average day has more energy-giving activities than energy taking activities
It is helpful to give numbers!
Activities that take a little energy are -1
Activities that take a lot of energy are -2
While activities that give a little energy are +1
And activities that give a lot of energy are +2
When you put the numbers together (don’t worry! It is not crazy math!)…
Your goal is to have a positive number at the end of the day
Learn to say no
One of the ways to rebalance your life is learning to say no
I know, I know!!!
But you are a mom!
You are expected to do everything!
Momma… You should not be doing everything
Boundaries are NEEDED to live a life that you deserve
And to be the mom you want to be for your kids
So if you are being asked to take a negative energy activity, and you don’t have the room for it that day…
Say no!
If they get upset, they are not good for your anyways
Of course there are exceptions
But those are going to be rare.
Will it still be a big deal in one year if you say no?
No?
Then do it.
Work on self-care (Tip! It can only take 10 minutes!)
Self-care is needed!
This goes beyond basic hygiene like taking a shower
Self-care is something you can add to your day that will balance the scales!
You can get more done, without going into the negative at the end of the day
No one would never get mad at your phone for going black if you work it for days without charging
People need to charge to work properly too!
Taking time for what makes you happy will make your family happier too
Because remember?
You set the tone
If you feel good, your family will likely follow
Determine Priorities
This goes into finding what takes and gives you energy
You will find that you have WAY more activities that take energy than you do ones that give energy
You can add more positives, but there are only 24 hours in a day
Your only option?
Set priorities on the energy draining activities and let some go
Remember, your self-care IS a priority
Do not put those at the end of the list
Your family will not fall apart if you put off folding laundry for 10 minutes to do something for you
I know it feels like it sometimes!
Many of us were trained that we cannot do anything fun until our chores are done
That does not work for adults!
There will ALWAYS be something to do.
Now is the time to learn to balance.
Connect with other moms
Motherhood can feel VERY lonely
Even more, if you are a stay at home mom
That is why it is important to connect with other moms
In-person is best, but social media is better than nothing
Be careful who you choose because not all moms are going to be good friends
It is easier to learn how to recover from mom burnout when you do it with the support of other moms
Find someone you can trust
Venting can help a lot!
The more we hold things in, the more they fester
So find someone trustworthy
Being picky about who you trust is important
I made that mistake!
I vented to someone I should not have and they spread rumors about my family
A therapist can be a great choice for this, but a trusted friend can work too
But seriously, be careful who you choose
Use affirmations
Affirmations can be powerful!
But they take time to start working
Our subconscious mind is powerful but doesn’t know the difference between reality and fiction
‘I am’ statements are serious to the subconscious mind
And they become our reality
Affirmations can help you as you learn how to recover from mom burnout!
Tell yourself things like:
- I am good enough
- I deserve time to myself
- My family is lucky to have me
- I am worth the time I need to feel good
And more
The more you look at yourself and tell yourself these things..
The more you will start to believe them!
Catch yourself when you are comparing to others
The comparison game is common but dangerous!
It has only gotten worse with social media
It is important to remember that magazines are edited
And social media only shows the highlights of life
Most people don’t most the rough times or the messy house
Please don’t compare yourself to an impossible standard!
When you do start to compare, catch yourself
Affirmations can help during this too to shift your mindset
Try journaling
Journaling can be a powerful tool!
It has helped many moms that are learning how to recover from mom burnout
Like I said before, thoughts and feelings that are bottled up will eat you alive
If you don’t have someone you trust to talk to,
Journaling may be a great replacement or something to do when they aren’t available
Work on living in today, not yesterday, and tomorrow
One of the biggest stresses I have is forgetting to live today
I stress about the past and I stress about the future
Neither one of those help me or my family
Yes, planning for the future and learning from the past are important
But we can do that without allowing the stress to take over.
This takes practice and it is something I am still working on!
I didn’t realize how hard it was to let the past go until I started trying to change the habit
The more you live today, the happier you’ll be
Plan breaks from your family
Ok I hear you
The mom guilt comes in strong when we start thinking about taking a break from the family
But you need time to yourself!
You can love your family with all your heart and have an hour a week to yourself
I highly encourage you to do something that is not the social media scroll
The time goes so fast and it rarely recharges you
You may want to play your old favorite game or read a book
Whatever you decide to do, treat it like a non-negotiable appointment
Your life will get WAY better when you start treating yourself as someone valuable
A body in motion stays in motion
Not everyone enjoys exercise
If you are trying to learn how to recover from mom burnout, exercise can help
But it doesn’t have to be anything crazy
Go for a walk,
Have a dance party,
Do a dancing TikTok!
Whatever you want to do that gets your body moving
Science says that a body in motion stays in motion
So if you are not sure how to recover from mom burnout,
This can at least help you while you heal!
Go to bed at the same time every night, without your technology
Our bodies like being on a schedule
So getting to bed at the same time every night can help you a lot
But just as important, do it without technology
I know, I know
I rolled my eyes every time I read that too
But it actually helps!
I sleep better, don’t accidentally stay up late, and I don’t feel the need to look at my phone the moment I wake up
That all by itself has helped my mental state SO much
Because I am starting my day with me and my family, not with everyone else
Stop apologizing
When you apologize for saying no or for struggling, you are telling yourself that you did something wrong
You are human!
Boundaries are important and not something to be sorry about
And everyone struggles
If someone isn’t struggling in some way, they are lying to you
Learn to only apologize if you did something wrong and plan to actively avoid it in the future
When you are more mindful of apologizing, it is more impactful for you and for others
Don’t be ashamed to seem professional help
Sometimes, you just need some more help
It can take months or years for some people to heal from mom burnout
Especially if you are in habitual burnout
Professional help can be life-changing for you
Don’t be ashamed if it is something you need
Have you ever experienced any of this?
Did you figure out how to recover from mom burnout?
What did you do?
If you have not, what will you try first?