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Motherhood can be lonely, and making friends can get hard when you always have kids with you
Making friends a as a stay-at-home mom can feel impossible but there are ways to met people like you!
Remember that you are not the only one struggling with this!
It is more common for moms to be lonely than it is for us to not be lonely
And a simple solution?
Learning to connect with each other more!
Do stay-at-home moms get lonely?
Being a stay-at-home mom is an amazing job, but also one of the loneliest
You are responsible for mini humans 24/7
On top of that, every mom I know has lost a lot of friends after having a baby
Your life drastically changes after becoming a mom and it can be incredibly lonely
Many of us, including myself, have used social media to help with that
But social media can only go so far and can be harmful if you are not careful
It can be easy to just keep pushing through life without creating relationships
But just because you can doesn’t mean that you should
The loneliness that happens can be overwhelming
A study done by the British Red Cross showed that 82% of moms under 30 felt lonely sometimes, and 43% of moms felt lonely most or all of the time
Those are scary numbers!
We are not meant to be alone
We are built to depend on each other
Being a mom should not mean dealing with loneliness all the time
Actually, it is actually the time that community is needed more than ever
Why should you put effort into friendships as a mom?
Relationships, including friendships, are work
But it is worth it as a mom
We need friends and we need community!
The comfort I feel that I can call my friend that lived 5 minutes from us and ask for help is incredible
And she can do the same with me
Not only does this help build your personal community, but it also helps your mental health
A lot!
When I am feeling down and depressed… I often say one thing
I feel so alone
Having friends that understand you is an amazing tool against that feeling!
Another reason why working towards relationships is important is because our kids are watching us too
My mom never had friends when I was growing up
I don’t remember even one time when she was connecting with someone and built a friendship
Well, maybe one person
But it was more of a mutual understanding that they can ask each other for help
The older I got, the more I started doing the same thing
I got “too busy” with work, homework, chores, and whatever else to put effort into friendships
One reason for that is because that is what I saw and expected adulthood to be like
What kind of friends should I look for?
Just as important as making friends, it is vital to make good friends
This can be the tricky part and I don’t have a great record
But I have learned some things through the toxic friends that I had
The first is making sure there is give and take for both people
I am a giver
My best friend for many years was a taker
You can guess how that turned out
When I went through a rough time and had nothing to give, she was gone
It can also be easy to get caught up in gossip and drama with friends
But the truth is if they are talking behind their back…
They are probably talking behind your back too
The friends that you are looking for will be specific to you
I like to do things with my kids when I am out with friends most of the time
But someone I know prefers to get a babysitter and go drinking with friends
There is no wrong answer
Just make sure you know what you want and find friends that align with that
Not friends that will pressure you to do something you don’t want to do
How to start making friends as a stay-at-home mom
Now the hard part… How to start making friends as a stay-at-home mom that rarely sees other humans…
Seems impossible sometimes right??
But I promise you that it isn’t
I live in a TINY town as a stay-at-home mom with twin toddlers
If I can do it, so can you
I believe in you!
Here are some ways that you can test out and get started!
1. Go to the park and socialize
One of the most common places moms and their kids hang out in the park
Kids need to get their energy out and moms need a moment to socialize
Every time I’ve been to the park, the other moms were more than happy to talk and interact
I have never asked for a phone number or to meet up again, but I don’t see why not
Sometimes you just need to take a chance with people you hit it off with!
2. Reach out to the neighbors
This one doesn’t really work for me
I am friends with one neighbor but we are not close in age
But this is a real possibility for many moms!
Introduce yourself to the neighbor and plan a day to visit
You won’t get along with every neighbor, but you won’t know until you try!
3. Start a playgroup
This is how I met my local friends
I started a two-hour-per-week playgroup for preschoolers
I got permission from our local grange to have it there
We do it during the rainy months when all the moms are desperate to get out of the house
The kids make friends, and so do the moms!
4. Join a mom group in the community or church
This isn’t an option everywhere and for everyone, but it is still good enough to add to the list
Many churches have groups for fellowship
There are children’s groups, teen groups, and adult groups
There may be a mom group separate from the church as well in your area
All you have to do is check if that is a possibility for you
5. Join mommy and me classes
I love mommy and me classes!
My kids and I do toddler gymnastics
It isn’t perfect for making friends as a stay-at-home mom, but it puts you in the same room as other moms
Try inviting them to dinner, or go to the local library together
You never know what kind of friendship will grow if you take a chance
6. Go to the library’s story time
The library storytime is another place you can meet moms
This is a calm time for kids to get familiar with libraries and storytimes
And you can have a chance to meet new people
Once again, strike up a conversation and see how it goes
Even if it takes a few weeks, you may get comfortable enough with another mom to invite her over
7. Invite other families over
Once you have done some of these other tips, invite families over!
Invite moms and their kids to a playdate at your house, or try to get dads involved in the evenings or weekends
Most moms are just as nervous to take the leap as you are
Worst case… They say no and you keep trying to find your people
8. Organize a mommy and child trip
I have seen over and over that other moms wish that they could go to the zoo or aquarium with other families
Why not be the one to organize it?
Talk with the moms that you have met
Maybe make a Facebook event
And go!
Worst case, you have fun with your kids
9. Form a childcare swap
One of the great things about making friends as a stay-at-home mom is that you can help each other when needed
I will watch your kids for two hours and you will do the same
We don’t have to worry about childcare costs that way and your kids are with friends that you trust
That is important though
Make sure that you really trust the moms you add to the childcare swap
Have you tried any of these methods to make friends as a stay-at-home mom?