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The mental stress of motherhood can be extreme because we think we expect ourselves to do everything for everyone. The truth is that it isn’t possible to do everything forever, so the expectations set us up for failure.
I have always been a stress case
I’m always thinking about what I need to do or how I can improve things around me
I can’t tell you how often I go through finances to find a new way to budget!
It is something I work on a lot because I struggle with just being still
So I have tried many things to recover from the mental stress of motherhood, and now I will share them with you!
Why is motherhood so stressful?
In motherhood, we wear all the hats
We are:
- Cooks
- Cleaners
- Shoppers
- Managers
- Planners
- Nurses
- Drivers
- Tutors
- The morning shift
- The day shift
- The night shift
- Maids
- Teachers
- Accountants
- Breadwinners (if you are a working mom)
- And more
The list feels like it is never-ending
So no wonder being a mom feels so stressful!!!
When in two adult households, a lot of responsibility falls on the mom
We go through our days thinking that this is normal
But the truth is, it doesn’t have to be overwhelming all the time
There are many things that you can do to lessen the mental stress of motherhood
What is the mommy guilt syndrome?
The mommy guilt syndrome (MGS) is feeling overwhelming guilt over anything that isn’t for your kids, and even feeling like what you are doing isn’t enough. You could feel guilty about basic needs like eating, showering, sleeping, not looking like perfect moms on social media, and other unrealistic expectations.
Mommy guilt syndrome is getting more and more common
I have had it too
I felt terrible guilt anytime I did anything for myself, or if I thought I wasn’t being a ‘good enough mom’
Truthfully, this is something I struggle with still
I have made progress, but I still have a long way to go
I have been able to spend time on my daily needs, but I still feel guilt over “not being good enough”
Mainly when it comes to my kids’ speech ability
My twin boys were diagnosed with a speech delay
They are not talking yet, and they don’t really understand language either
Even though I have been told countless times that it isn’t my fault and is pretty normal for twins (and many other factors I have no control over), I still feel like I should have been able to prevent this
I am working through it, but I have had many crying sessions in my car
I can’t imagine how frustrating it is for my boys not to be able to communicate too
And then I feel more guilty for not being able to “save them”
Mommy guilt syndrome doesn’t help anyone
It makes you and everyone you love miserable because you can’t be happy when you are in this state
And since you are the foundation of emotion for your family, your family will feel your misery too
What is mental stress?
Mental stress is the accumulation of perceived stress about both internal and external factors
So much is going on that your mind perceives it as danger
Even small stresses can build up and cause severe problems like burnout
Mental stress makes mental clarity difficult, and our best work happens when we are mentally clear
You know that you are experiencing mental stress when you are overwhelmed more often than you are not
Mental stress can lead to moodiness, frustration, low self-esteem, and depression
Small things build into big problems if left unchecked
What is the mental stress of motherhood?
The mental stress of motherhood is all of the tasks we do every day without breaks.
We need to think about and remember everything
From daily tasks
To yearly appointments
The mental load on a mom is intense!
The longer you go without helping relieve that pressure, the worse your mental state is going to be
Thankfully there are ways to fight the mental stress of motherhood!!
How can I fight the mental stress of motherhood?
Some things to fight mental stress are easier than others
Some will be difficult until you get the hang of it!
Test things out for a week or two to see how they help
You will likely need a combination so look for progress, not perfection
- Write everything down to get it out of your head
Mental stress gets worse when you have too many things to think about
Then you have to remember them all!
Or you accidentally think of the same tasks multiple times and it feels super overwhelming
The simple solution is to write everything down!
I like to use Google calendar so I don’t lose it
I don’t need to use mental space to remember doctor appointments because my calendar will remind me!
Just write it down and forget
But this works for daily tasks too!
Write down everything that needs to be done the next day or week
And determine what time of day you will do them
Then all you have to do is follow the plan!
No more stressing about forgetting to get something done
- Ask for help
This is a hard one for many moms
Asking for help can feel uncomfortable or make you feel like you aren’t good enough to do it yourself
But the truth is that everyone needs help sometimes!
Moms don’t become superhuman the moment they have a baby
You are a human that needs breaks, care, and help
Time to practice asking for help
- Learn to say no
Saying no can feel like you are disappointing people
But boundaries are important!
The more things you say ‘yes’ to, the less time you will have for you and your kids
It is ok to say no sometimes!
By saying no to new responsibilities that you don’t have the want or ability for right now, you save yourself massive amounts of mental stress
Creating a self-care routine could mean the difference between dealing with burnout or not
Because the truth is that the mental stress of motherhood can lead to burnout!
Self-care isn’t just basic hygiene, like showers, but also doing things that make you feel alive again
Even if it is only 10 minutes a day, self-care can make a huge difference in your life!
- Make some mom friends
Be careful with this one and choose wisely
Not all friends are healthy friends
You want friends that don’t gossip about other people
Because if they are saying things about others, they are saying things about you
Choose friends wisely, but friends that understand your struggles can help a lot!
Two of my best friends are moms that I met at a playdate I started for toddlers
All three of us have kids the same age and they have been amazing for my mental health
- Learn to let go of mom guilt
I’ve talked about mom guilt already but it needs its own section here too
Guilt can eat you alive if you let it
Most of the time, the guilt you feel doesn’t help you and doesn’t make you a better mom
So it is time to work toward letting that guilt go
- Find things that give you energy
There are two types of activities in your life
- Things that give you energy
- Things that take energy
The more you do things that take your energy, the worse you are going to feel
But those things need to get done!!!
You can’t just stop doing laundry or dishes
So you need to do things that give you energy
That looks different for everyone
Pay attention to how things make you feel and list out things in both categories
Make sure you are doing a healthy balance of both!
- Drink more water and eat better food
Nutrition and water are fuel
We can’t function without fuel, and the mental stress of motherhood becomes worse
Food and water can make you feel better, give you energy, and more!
- Take a day off social media every week
Social media is great for a lot of things!
But not super great for mental health
Social media can be even worse because most moms follow people that make their life look perfect
So the comparison game begins
Doing a social media detox sometimes can be super beneficial!
If you struggle with the mental stress of motherhood, remember that you aren’t alone