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Setting boundaries as a mom has been one of the most challenging self-love acts I’ve done
Well… enforcing those boundaries has been the challenging part
Boundaries are essential for everyone
We all need to figure out what we are ok with and what we are not
And choosing the people that respect those boundaries to be in our lives
It’s a little more challenging as a mom because kids love to test boundaries
But it is possible to enforce boundaries with your kids too
It just takes time and a different approach
What does setting boundaries as a mom mean?
Boundaries mean a limit of an area, subject, or activity
Without boundaries, people can do whatever they want to you and have you do endless things for them
Boundaries are essential for your self-respect and to better your communication
It also weeds out the toxic friends and family!
For example, I had a friend in high school who always asked a lot from me
I rarely asked for anything in return
I was hard working and was able to do more than many high schoolers
Then someone big happened in my life
I went through a tough time and had nothing to give
And she disappeared
That isn’t a true friend
If I had more boundaries, I would have figured that out sooner
Boundaries are also crucial for your kids
It teaches them important life skills and gives you the respect you need to be human outside of motherhood
For example, I have an hour that I spend actively playing with my kids
Then I work on things for myself for a half hour
And then I spend another hour with them
Boundaries are enforcing that a half hour is not the time to ask for things (unless it’s an emergency) and them knowing that you are all theirs after that half hour is done
By using consistency and boundaries, you have time to work on something and they know it
Of course, this only works with a little older kids
We started when my kids were a year old
This is a great way to add self-care into your routine or go after your goals
Why is setting boundaries important?
Setting boundaries as a mom is important for a couple of reasons
- It teaches your kids to set boundaries too
- You demand the respect that you need in a nice way
- You weed out the bad friends that you don’t need
- You don’t overdo yourself and move towards burnout
- Boundaries encourage self-love
Many moms believe that if you set boundaries you’ll push away the people that you care about
But only the people who don’t care about you and your health will be driven away
Healthy friends will respect your boundaries without hesitation
Boundaries also encourage self-love and respect
You wouldn’t allow people to take advantage and abuse your kindness if you had healthy self-love
And respect is created when you enforce the boundaries you create
Boundaries also give you the leverage to say no when you need to
You can’t do everything!
As someone who tries regularly… trust me
It’s not possible
Boundaries can change your life… and change your kids’ lives
Kids learn from watching
They learn what you allow and how you respond
By enforcing your boundaries in a kind way, they will learn to do the same
It’s important to learn to communicate our feelings and limits effectively
And it’s important to teach our kids to do the same
How do I set boundaries with my child?
Boundaries are all about setting what is acceptable and communicating that
By setting boundaries with your children, you give yourself respect and teach them how to set boundaries as well
The key here is that you don’t have to be mean or rude when setting and enforcing boundaries
Boundaries work differently for children though
Adults aren’t dependent on you for everything (hopefully!)
So you need to balance your boundaries with their needs
I do this through schedule and teaching communication
I schedule my time so I focus on my kids for a while, then do something I need to do, and end with focusing on my kids
That process is repeated throughout the day
My kids know that when momma takes a break from playing with them/feeding them
It’s time to do independent time
And that’s OK because it won’t last long and I’ll be with them again
I make sure to feed them right before it’s time for my “get stuff done time”
There are times when I am working but my son is hungry…
Again
Even though I just fed him 10 minutes ago
For those moments, I have snacks quickly available
If one of them just wants attention, I remind them that I have a few more minutes and then I’m all theirs
And I keep my word
The most important part of setting boundaries with your kids is to be consistent
Don’t change the boundaries all the time or stop communicating with them
Both you and your children need to practice repeating the boundaries you put in place
How do I set boundaries in other areas of my life?
Other areas of life require a little less thoughtful planning
Create boundaries that are appropriate for your life and communicate those needs to family and friends
If they refuse to respect those boundaries, it may be time to rethink the relationship
I have 4 uncles
One of my boundaries is communication without belittling.
I was making a life choice that 3 of my uncles didn’t agree with
They called me names and took every possible chance to make me feel dumb
I communicated that I wouldn’t allow that
If they were concerned for me…
They needed to talk to me respectfully
They refused and kept belittling me every chance they got
So I blocked all communication and cut them off
As someone who is healing from childhood trauma, depression, anxiety, and PTSD
I did not need that in my life
They were a huge stress and the relationship had no positives
Thankfully I still have my last uncle!
It was insanely difficult to cut those family members off, but it did wonders for my mental health
I made a promise to keep my boundaries
And I did
Keeping boundaries is not always easy and may require hard choices
But respect and love yourself enough to make the hard choice that is right for you and your family