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The mental load has been a big topic online recently
People that have been carrying it finally understand the work they have been doing and people who haven’t been carrying have been introduced to it
The mental load falls into four categories: Identify, anticipate, decide, and monitor. All tasks that are done in the mental load are somewhere in these categories, and they also help identify other tasks that are also in the mental load
When I first learned about the mental load, I understood the identify category
It is thinking about what is needed
Identifying what we need for dinner tonight
And I slightly understood the anticipate category
But mainly with anticipating coming events and possible dangers in the home
But looking at the categories helps you truly understand everything that is in the mental load
If you know what you are doing, you can better plan your energy or let go of tasks you didn’t realize you had
Why is understanding mental load important?
There are two types of work that take our energy:
- Physical work
- Mental work
No one ever denies the energy it takes for physical work
Even looking at careers!
You can look at a construction worker and someone that sits at a desk
People are way more willing to see the exhaustion of the construction worker
Some people even use that as an excuse for why they shouldn’t have to help at home
As a society, we need to start recognizing mental work as work
And moms have a lot of mental work
For most moms, that work is a 24/7 job
I am thankful that my husband takes the nighttime in my home so I can fully shut off and rest at night
It really does help
But not all moms have that
Day or night, they are ready to care for their children
How is that not a job?
We could say that not being paid is why we don’t see it as work
And that is true
But we don’t respect the work that people behind a desk do either
From what I see, people respect the work that they can see and not the work that makes physical work possible
What are the categories that the mental load fits into?
When trying to understand the mental load, tasks can be placed in one of these four categories:
- Identify
- Anticipate
- Decide
- Monitor
All of them have different intensities of tasks but they all still take effort and energy
As you go through each one, think about the tasks that you have that may fit
Have you thought about those tasks as work or were they just there?
As you see more and more of what you accomplish, I hope you feel proud of yourself
The mental work that you do is difficult and valid
And you should be proud of it
Identify
Identifying tasks is anything where you are looking for something
You can be identifying where something is or remember an appointment
One of the most common ways that we use the identify category is when making dinner
Deciding what dinner should be is a different category, but then you need to identify everything that you will need
What ingredients are in that meal and what tools do I need
Do I have all the ingredients I need?
Where are they?
Tasks that are in the identify category are usually present tasks
What do you need right now and where is that item
Another common one in my home is identifying where my kids put their shoes
My husband rarely loses things, but thinking about where those things are when it does happen is another identifying task
When searching for an item, most of the work is mental
Thinking about where the item might be
Once you have thought about it, then you can physically check
Anticipate
I don’t know about other moms, but anticipation is a huge part of my job
Anticipation is anything related to what will happen in the future
This is thinking about items that I need when we leave, possible dangers in the home, choosing toys for in the car or environments that will overwhelm my kids
Anticipation is thinking ahead so you are more prepared when the moment comes
When you are packing a bag for the beach, you don’t need anything right now
But you are anticipating what you will need when you get there
You will need water, sunscreen, towels, bathing suits, snacks, umbrellas, and baby powder
Since you anticipate those needs, you can pack those things now
Anticipation is a huge part of being a mom
I believe that is one reason we tend to be anxious
We are living in the future a lot
Being unprepared with kids is a nightmare
So the anticipation of needs is crucial for us
It is important for anyone
But I am never caught without snacks to avoid hangry kids
Decide
Have you ever heard of decision fatigue?
If you haven’t heard of it then I bet you have still experienced it
There are countless decisions in a mother’s day
Even when we give our kids choices, we have to decide what the choices are
We have to decide what we are having for dinner every night
And don’t forget about breakfast, lunch, and snack
I do meal planning so I decide what we are having for all our meals 2 weeks at a time
That task has a lot of decisions
We decide what physical work is most important and what needs to be done now
We decide what to buy for gifts and we decide if we are going somewhere
Literally, everything we do starts with a decision
Then many of us have to decide what our partner needs to do too
When they tell us to “just ask for help”, that is giving us the job of decision making
Which is half the work
Monitor
Monitoring is a constant job for moms
This is when you are paying attention to what is happening around you and what others are doing
I can’t help but do this even when I don’t have my kids
It is a habit to be hyper-aware at all times now
I am able to put that aside at night now because I have gotten used to my husband taking any night shifts that come up
But I am constantly monitoring what is happening and what everyone is doing when I am awake
Every moment of monitoring is work
It takes energy and some moms do it 24/7!
Especially when you have little kids
My twins are 4 years old and I have to be very aware of what they are doing all the time
One of them is in a poop-smearing phase too so being aware involves all my senses
I need to be able to see them, I constantly listen for them, I am aware of any smells that appear, and I am paying attention to when they touch me
We are told not to multitask because trying to do two or more things at the same time is not possible so it takes a lot of energy to switch back and forth
Moms don’t have the option to not multitask!
We have to get things done and we have to constantly monitor our kids
So, doing at least 2 things most of the time is required
How do I use these categories to help my mental load?
Learning the categories is mostly educational
To fully appreciate the work that you put in as a mom, you need to know how much work you are doing
Because it is a lot!
Another reason to learn and understand the categories is to better your life
You can give some tasks away that you didn’t even know you had
Maybe you can make the meal plan and your partner can do the shopping
Or you can give some decisions to your partner
You can lower the decisions that you make by letting your kids make more decisions
If you understand all the work that you are doing, then you can better understand how to tackle that mental work
Or you can let some of that mental work go that isn’t actually needed