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Life is insanely busy so it can be easy to neglect yourself as a mom
But it is important to realize how self-care makes you a better mom
It isn’t selfish or time better spent somewhere else
It is critical for the health and happiness of your whole family!
I know because I have lived both
I have been the mom that neglects herself
And I have been the mom that prioritizes self-care
From personal experience, when I prioritize self-care:
- My kids are happier
- I am happier
- My relationship with my husband is better
- The house is cleaner
- The meals are more fun to make
- Sleep comes easier
- My patience is WAY better
- And so much more
That is how self-care makes you a better mom
You cannot pour from an empty cup
Too Many Moms Are Neglecting Themselves
78% of women say that they don’t have time for their health and wellbeing
Most moms put themselves last in every way
And then we wonder why most moms feel burnt out and overwhelmed
You don’t magically beat overwhelm
You have to take care of yourself, even if it’s only a few minutes
Think about your cell phone
It does a lot for you!
It:
- Helps you research
- Keeps you entertained
- Plays music
- Plays videos
- Wakes you up
- Reminds you about appointments
- Help you get to those appointments
- And more
Now imagine if you never charged it…
Would it be working at 100%?
Could it still help you with all of those things?
No!
You have to charge your phone!
Now think about all the things you do for your family
You have to recharge just like a phone does
Or you start to lose how effective you are in every area of life
Your to-do list suffers
Your husband and kids suffer
Family and friends are neglected
And YOU feel terrible all the time!
Taking time to care for yourself is not selfish
What if taking 10 minutes for yourself could save you 3 hours later?
And make you happier while doing what you need to do?
I can’t promise how much time you’ll save by taking care of yourself
But I can promise that your best will get better and you will feel the difference after some time
Why self-care is so important as a mom
Moms are the backbone of the family
If we don’t feel good, no one feels good
When you take care of yourself, you’ll have:
- More patience
- Positivity
- A happier mom means a happier family
- More energy
- Happier memories
- Less mom guilt
Taking care of yourself is not selfish
It is investing in the good of your whole family
Throughout my life, I was that woman/mom
I would run myself into the ground because I would NOT do something for me unless everything else was done
I worked insane hours, cooked, cleaned, took care of everyone around me…
And it destroyed my health
I:
- Lost my happiness
- felt hopeless
- felt overwhelmed
- Lost energy
- Needed more sleep to function
- Was snappy
- And more
It wasn’t until I made me a priority that I was the best version of myself
I sat down and decided what was truly important
Cut out the things that were not important
And added the things that made me feel alive
That is the key I found
What makes me feel alive?
Let’s do more of that
Practicing self-care takes effort
Getting into self-care can be as hard as any habit
Only you have to unlearn habits too!
If you are in a habit of always putting everyone and everything ahead of your needs, that is a habit you will have to break before a self-care habit can form
Since breaking and forming habits take a lot of time and effort, I encourage you to take it one small step at a time
Don’t try to drink more water, learn a hobby, cook healthier meals, exercise, and anything else you want to do all at the same time
It is too much!
If you take your time, the results last longer
Have you ever decided to eat healthier so you changed your entire diet?
How long did that last?
It is totally possible to succeed when you take giant steps like that, but it is HARD
If you are like me, it lasted between 2 days and 2 weeks
That is because your brain will always try to default to your belief system
And that takes time to change
If you slowly make changes in your life and make them a big deal, your brain will switch that default setting to align with your goals
Choose one thing that is easy to get started with
I encourage you to be careful with using electronics for your self-care time
I find that for me…
The time goes so fast and I don’t feel recharged after
So test things out and evaluate
I will talk more about that below
Motherhood should not only be a sacrifice
When you thought about being a mom, what did you think?
Did you think of your life as it is now?
Or was your image full of love?
I was a preschool teacher and a before and after school care teacher for years
I envisioned being a mom as something hard but still full of life and love
But with my habits of neglecting myself, it took years to get there
Do I still struggle as a mom?
Yes!
But I recover not as don’t hate being a mom as a whole anymore
I remember the moment I realized that I was miserable
I remember talking to a friend and telling her how guilty I felt that I did not love being a mom like I thought I would
The first question she asked me was “what is your self-care routine?”
Ummm… my what?
She told me that it sounded like I was burnt out
I worked myself so hard that I had nothing left
This means I also had nothing left for my family
There will be sacrifices as a mom, but it shouldn’t be ALL sacrifice
Because that not only hurts you, but it hurts your family too
Practicing self-care makes you a good role model
Take a look at your life and how you treat yourself
But instead of seeing yourself, see your child
Does that make you proud or scared?
I know that the idea of my kids copying my self-neglect terrified me
Because I knew what it did to me and I did not want them to experience that
Kids watch everything we do and copy us
Seeing how we live our life is part of their identity creation
So ask yourself…
If your kids copied the way you:
- Talk to yourself
- Treat yourself
- Feed yourself
- Do what you enjoy
Would you be excited for them?
Or scared for them?
That was a huge mindset shift for me
The generational curses end with me
What about you?
I Know How Self-Care Makes You a Better Mom Now… Where do I start?
Now that you understand how self-care makes you a better mom… How do you start?
I like to start everything the same way…
Evaluation
I am a math person so I think of it like this…
Every time I do something that takes energy from me, I get negative points.
Everytime I do something that gives me energy, I get positive points.
There will never be a time where do have nothing that takes your energy
Eliminating those is NOT the goal
The goal is to be in the positive at the end of most days
Evaluation is needed because what gives or takes energy is different for everyone
I hate folding laundry and is definitely takes energy from me
But a friend of mine enjoys folding laundry and it gives her energy
So make note of the things that you do and how you feel after
Things like
- Taking a shower
- Going for a walk
- Baking
- Going to the park
Those can all give you energy
Of course not everyone get get energy from baking, but I do so it is on my list
I also make a list of the things I HAVE to do that takes my energy
That way, when I am planning my day, I can make sure there are more actions that give energy than ones that take away
One great way to do this is my scheduling 10 minutes of self-care
This is doing something outside of basic care and hygiene that you enjoy
Check out this post for some ideas
After you have done some evaluating, next is action steps
In order to change your life, you need to change some things IN your life
But choose small steps at a time
If you want to start yoga, start with 15 minutes once a week
And slowly build on top of that.